10 points you should know for a better Sex Life

Anamika D
Apr 29, 2024
6 min read

Updated: Aug 8

Unlike other species, which only use sex as a mechanism to reproduce, for humans, Sex plays a much bigger role

To express and experience love
To express and feel connection
To relax and enjoy

When someone's Sex Life is unhealthy or unpredictable or non-existent, then it creates Mental and Emotional Imbalance in their life.

This imbalance leads to,

Loneliness
Dissatisfaction, Void
Frustration, Irritation, and Anger
Constant Anxiety
Inability to cope with Stress
Relationship Challenges, Constant Fights, Thoughts of Infidelity, etc.
Disruption in Professional Life
Demotivation and Depression
Low Self-esteem, Low Self-confidence, and Low Self-Image
Substance Abuse
Lack of focus/Distraction
Physical Illness in the long run.
Emotional/Mental health concerns
Food, Porn, Alchohol Addictions

And therefore it becomes imperative that we talk and discuss this matter.

Let us look at 10 points that lead to Unsatisfactory Sex Life.

Not every point may be useful or relevant for you. But once you see which of these points you resonate with, you can then do something about fixing/improving in that area, which will improve your Sex Life.

Makes Sense?

Great.

So after each of these points, make sure you note down what resonates the most with you. This will help you further on your journey.

1. Not knowing your needs, wants, and desires

What you are taught, what you have seen, what you have believed about sex,

could be very different from what you want.

Maybe as a young girl, you fantasized about your partner giving you a long kiss in front of your favorite monument Or Maybe as a man, you fantasized about having sex with your partner under the open sky?

What are your desires, fantasies, and dreams for expressing love to your partner?

Whatever your choice of sexual expression is, even if it is something like BDSM, trying different positions, toys, etc., one needs to recognize them and get over their judgment for the same.

Not able to express this to your partner, leads to frustration, unfulfilled sex.

2. Poor Body-Image

After all, you’re allowing yourself to be vulnerable and seen by someone else.

If you feel disgust, repulsion, or rejection towards your own body, you will probably not be eager for someone else to see you in your raw and exposed form.

Over time, this can create barriers in your intimate relationship as well as how you express yourself in life.

3. You don't know how to ask or tell

A lot of people find it daunting to express what they want sexually. To say, 'Let's have Sex!' or 'I want to try this with you', they are afraid of how it would be perceived, and what the other person will think of them.

Plus they also want the other person to understand automatically. But the problem is that the other person is not a mind reader.

Sooner or later, it causes resentment and dissatisfaction.

4. Lack of the right kind of Knowledge

A lot of good sex wisdom is available through books and the internet. Rather than learning and understanding how to create a healthy sex life, in reality, unfortunately, most people limit their knowledge to pornographic movies or learning from friends who might also be lacking the required knowledge and experience.

For example, Did you know?:

For most men Sex = Intercourse while survey shows that 80% women don't like intercourse at all
While most men are done within few minutes, it takes at least 45 mins for a woman to get started
Most women don't prefer large size because it is painful
Most men can orgasm in only one way whereas a woman has 15 more ways they can orgasm apart from intercourse
And there are heaps and heaps of such informative tips that you will not find from porn or friends...

If you still feel you know all of it, honestly take a look at your relationship once.

Is your priority being happy or being right?

5. You don't know how to connect emotionally

Many people can't have sex without emotional closeness, especially most women.

What happens when you lack Emotional Intimacy?

Things appear OK on the surface level but the relationship has no real depth
You don’t feel like your partner “gets” you
Physical touch is uncomfortable
You don’t have honest conversations

Physical closeness (like holding hands, kissing, cuddling, etc.) requires Emotional Intimacy.

If you and your partner are not very physically expressive, your relationship may be just functional.

Emotional Intimacy is a foundation of a healthy relationship and an important pillar that leads to a healthy sex life.

6. You have a limited perspective about Sex

5 points which people don't understand about Sex:

80% of sex happens outside of the bedroom. It happens all your waking hours and during your sleep time in case you physically stay with your partner.

Sex is more than a physical act. While exploring each other's bodies it is also about each other's hearts and minds.

It is not about ejaculations or orgasms. It's also about the journey that makes the destination more beautiful.

99.99% of people need to have sex again and again because they don't know how to do it properly. How to enjoy it fully. Just like people eat more because they don't know how to savor every bite.

You can't create a healthy sex life without creating an overall healthy relationship.

7. I don't want to be too close... It's scary to be vulnerable

People who have trouble being vulnerable may have experienced neglect, trauma, or abuse in their past that prevents them from fully opening up and trusting others; especially in an intimate relationship.

People with intimacy issues tend to struggle with emotional closeness and connecting on a deeper level.

This struggle can fundamentally prevent them from establishing and maintaining meaningful interpersonal relationships.

8. Fear of Abandonment

Abandonment can be either physical or emotional. It can be something that you have experienced or something that you thought happened to you. However, it leads to judging the other person based on your own experience without even seeing their responses.

So, Why should I give the other person a chance if they could reject me or abandon me?

Why not stay at a distance or just leave them whenever they come too close?

That's not you but your fear of abandonment driving your life. No matter how much you try, this fear won't go away until it is acknowledged and resolved at the root level.

9. Fear of Commitment

People who have commitment phobia often long for meaningful relationships with other people. But they find it hard to maintain because they find them overburdening since they have not taken such responsibility before.

They need to get it right or they will not do it.
They fear making a mistake.
They feel like losing their freedom. They feel restricted.
They don't want to come out of their comfort zone.

However, in the long run, they end up feeling empty and thus seeking serious relationships but can't enjoy them fully because investing completely would mean commitment.

10. Stuck in the Past

A person still living in the past in their head, cannot fully be present in the relationship and there is a good chance that they are not able to be present during sex too.

Likewise, when someone has not resolved or given closure to the hurt of their past relationship before restarting a new one, they will not be able to invest themselves fully.

The relationship remains a half-assed relationship because the foundation in itself is unhealthy/toxic.

One cannot create a healthy relationship out of an unhealthy foundation.

Bonus Point: Unconscious Sex

These days a lot of people engage in various forms of sexual release because they don't want to put any effort into a real relationship. They want to enjoy the benefits, without any complications that come with a serious relationship. They see this as an easier way to enjoy sex without any responsibilities and emotional or financial baggage that comes with the commitment.

Even though for all practical reasons, it appears that there is nothing wrong with this and there is no judgment from our side for this as well but we must bring your attention to the impacts of having random sex now...

Every time you have sex with anyone, you exchange energy.

Their trauma, wounds, baggage, and anything that your energetic system is not immune to, it absorbs. Just like sexually transmitted diseases, this is Sexually Transmitted Energy.

Negative Energy from the other person gets transferred because we don't know about their traumas and wounds. And hence, this is called Unconscious Sex.

These imprints stay with you for long until you consciously cleanse them and you stop destroying the sacredness of your energy.

THE LAST FEW LOVING WORDS

Sex is a beautiful part of our expression as human beings. India is a country where we have places like Khajuraho and we wrote and followed Kamasutra.

We are a place that has always been open to Love in all ways including sexual expression of love.

The suppression of expressing love, and tabooing sex, have led us to a place where people indulge in things like casual sex, random sex, or there is so much violence in our lives.

Very few get the right education and understand the importance of conscious sex.

So, in the beginning, I asked you to note the points that resonate with you.