Someone asked me,
"Is it wrong to expect love, support and appreciation from our near and dear ones and from our partner?"
"Why do I feel so much resistance to work on myself? I know that I need to heal myself but I don't feel motivated to do it. I've tried before but I can't stick with the process."
"Why can't I let go of my fear/comfort zone? I really want to know."
This reminds me of a story that Osho tells...
Once there was a great drought in a village.
All villagers go to the village priest and requests him to perform a yagya to please Indra Dev so he bless them with rains.
The priest agrees and asks all villagers to come in the morning the next day.
When all of them came next morning, the priest was shocked and refused to perform the yagya. He said, "You all came in expectation of rains and yet not a single person is carrying an umbrella!"
"This shows that you don't believe this will work. You are just giving it a shot. I understand that you don't believe in yourself but you came to me for help and want me to request Indra Dev. You neither believe in me and nor in Indra Dev. This is a wasteful activity which will not only waste time but also the valuable resources we will use in the yagya. So, I will not perform it."
We all reach that point in life where we are unable sustain our belief in ourselves. It happens to all of us. Nothing wrong in it.
It is at this point when we must believe in someone else who we trust. Let that person guide us. Let that person drive the car.
It is important to not mix our fears, hesitations and biases in the confidence of this person. Rather, borrow their confidence and go with their guidance.
If you are unable to treat this person as source of truth (for whatever reasons you may have), then why seek their guidance??!!
Why waste everyone's time and energy?
Now, coming back to the questions I was asked...
What is resistance?
Inability to accept.
Why we don't accept?
Unmet expectations
Are expectations wrong?
No. It is impossible to not have expectations from others and for others to not have expectations from us.
However, expecting something from someone that they are incapable of giving us, is wrong.
Why are they not giving? They seem to be perfectly capable of giving.
Every person is walking with unhealed traumas and wounds of their own. You are fortunate that you know about this and working on yourself. Most people aren't even aware of this, let alone working on it.
If someone is behaving irrationally and immaturily, then we don't accept that. But if the same person is diagnosed and given a label such as...
- suffering from depression
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- Bipolar Disorder
- Borderline Personality Disorder
- Paranoid Personality Disorder
- Schizoid Personality Disorder
- Fearful Avoidant
- Dismissive Avoidant
- Anxious Preoccupied
and I can keep going on but I won't...
Then this label will help you to see this person differently and now adjust your expectations accordingly.
If all it takes is a label for you to access your compassion, then you can simply assume that majority of people are emotionally wounded and existing in the society without diagnosis.
Absence of diagnosis doesn't mean absence of disease.
How do I access or develop compassion for such people?
For this you would need guidance.
You can seek help from someone you know who has expertise in this area or you can borrow my confidence by following my guidance.
I'm ready to follow your guidance. What should I do?
Please read this post...
Hope this helps 🙏🏻🌷