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Why I overshare or over explain things to others?

Writer's picture: tarun maliktarun malik

Updated: Jan 22

Oversharing or explaining too much to others can stem from various psychological, emotional, and situational factors.And certainly, when we have done oversharing or overexplaining ourselves. Two things happen: We feel shame and we are no lose respect in our own eyes AND We feel relief from assuring that the other person not understood us.



In the long run, this pattterns doesn't really serve us much.



In order to shift this pattern in our life, It's important that we first understand why we do thi.


Here are some detailed reasons with examples to understand this behavior better:


1. Need for Validation or Acceptance


  • People often overshare because they seek approval or want to feel accepted by others. By sharing personal information or explaining things in depth, they hope to connect or gain reassurance that their feelings, choices, or opinions are valid.


  • Example: In a new workplace, a person might overshare details about their past job struggles to make coworkers understand them better or to seek empathy.


2. Anxiety or Nervousness


  • Anxiety can make people feel a compulsion to fill silences or over-explain to ensure they've been understood. This is common in situations where someone feels insecure about how they're being perceived.


  • Example: During a job interview, a candidate might give lengthy explanations about their experience, worrying that the interviewer might not fully understand their capabilities.


3. Desire to Build Rapport or Bond


  • Oversharing can sometimes be an attempt to fast-track emotional intimacy. People might think sharing personal or detailed information will bring them closer to someone.


  • Example: On a first date, someone might reveal deeply personal stories about family conflicts, believing it will create a sense of trust.


4. Overcompensation for Guilt or Insecurity


  • When people feel guilty or insecure, they might provide excessive details to justify their actions or decisions, even if it’s unnecessary.


  • Example: After arriving late to a meeting, someone might over-explain every obstacle they faced on the way, trying to ensure others don't think poorly of them.


5. Lack of Awareness of Social Boundaries


  • Some individuals may not recognize when they’ve crossed the line into oversharing. This can be due to personality traits, lack of social skills, or even conditions like ADHD or autism, which can affect their ability to judge conversational limits.


  • Example: At a casual social gathering, someone might share detailed medical issues, not realizing that the topic might make others uncomfortable.


6. Habitual Storytelling or Enthusiasm


  • Some people naturally love storytelling and can get carried away with details. They may not intend to overshare but do so out of enthusiasm or habit.


  • Example: A coworker explaining their weekend adventure might delve into unnecessary details about every minor event, keeping others engaged longer than necessary.


7. Low Self-Esteem


  • Those with low self-esteem might overshare to seek validation, fill silences, or feel “seen” in conversations. They may feel that they need to offer more for their presence to be valued.


  • Example: During a casual chat, someone might excessively share personal failures to garner sympathy or attention.


8. Relief from Bottled-Up Emotions


  • People who don’t often share their thoughts or feelings might overshare when they finally find someone who seems willing to listen.


  • Example: A parent at a PTA meeting might suddenly open up about their struggles with balancing work and family life when the conversation triggers their emotions.



Addressing Oversharing


To manage or prevent oversharing, individuals can:

  • Practice self-awareness: Pause and think before speaking.


  • Set boundaries: Recognize what’s appropriate to share in a given context.


  • Work on confidence: Focus on being comfortable in silence or with concise responses.


  • Develop emotional regulation: Manage anxiety or nervousness through mindfulness or relaxation techniques.



Oversharing is often a subconscious behavior driven by deeper emotions or needs. Recognizing these triggers can help individuals become more mindful of their communication styles and build healthier, more balanced interactions.


So, Do you do this behaviour? If yes, what are you doiing to overcome it?




If you need support overcoming this pattern and work on building a healthy self-image, Please feel free to book a Clarity Call with me.

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