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I have accepted but why it still hurts?

Acceptance is a process, that completes in 3 stages

Many get stuck in stage 1 by reminding themselves that I already accepted, then why is this still troubling?

Some go to stage 2.

Very few reach stage 3.

Stage 3 is liberation.

Why most people get stuck at Stage 1 or 2?

Because the problem is that people in all 3 stages use the same word Acceptance but the meaning is vastly different.

So, what are these 3 stages?

1. Acceptance via Hurt:

I don't like something - about myself or others - and I can't do anything about it. I have no control. So, I say I accept.

2. Acceptance via Understanding:

I understand that there is good and evil; there are heros and villains; there is right and wrong. I'm ok with those categories and so I say, I accept.

3. Acceptance via Equanimity:

It is just-is.

No good-bad

No right-wrong

No heros-villains

Just is

Like we see a green leaf and don't think about its color. It just is.

We see water and don't categories it in anything being transparent and free flowing. It just is.

All categories disappear.

Even the concept of "acceptance" disappear.

It just is remains!!!

How to complete these 3 stages?

Grief is a natural response to loss.

Earlier, we have only seen a link between death and grief. But now there is enough data from research that shows people go through a grieving process because of the loss of a identity or loss of significant relationship also.

Research has shown that even a break-up or divorce can trigger the same stages of grief that someone would experience on loosing a loved one to death.

Intense emotions of anger, guilt and depression gets created depending upon how significant and long the relationship was.

Although, the depression experienced during a grieving process is not an indication of mental illness (initially). It is a normal response but if not handled correctly (and healed), then it can turn into clinical depression.

The same goes with emotions of anger and guilt. Intially, they are ok and normal but if left unaddressed for long period, can hamper mental balance and wellbeing.

Therefore, it is important to understand this process and complete it with full awareness before it consumes your wellbeing and also the wellbeing of people around you.

It's impossible to create space for a healthy life and a healthy relationship from the unhealed state.

Many of us go through multiple losses of relationships but we never give time and focus to heal the traumas and wounds created in the process of separation/change.

We go from one relationship to another and

the irony is that we are expecting a better outcome than last time but we are in a more wounded and traumatized state.

And even if it was our first relationship only that we lost, still we need to clean the slate properly.

Would you not want to experience the peace by bringing true acceptance?

If YES, then here is a process...

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