Updated: Aug 10, 2022
What if before writing anything, I tell you, It is normal to feel boredom in long-term relationships.
Monotony peeks in in all relationships after a certain point of time, usually, after the honeymoon period of a few years seem to be getting over.
Two things we need to realize before we deal with it,
How valuable this relationship is to me?
How willing I am to work on it?
Healthy Relationships take efforts and willingness to constantly work on yourself and also what you bring to the table while you genuinely ask your partner what you need.
Where it goes wrong is when rather than working within the Relationship, we tend to fill ourselves outside of the relationship hastily, rather than first finding what we truly desire.
Every relationship has its ups and downs. They are filled with commonalities and also differences. The years of the honeymoon phase often go into knowing each other passionately, exploring each other's likes and dislikes. But that time goes away, you realize now you know the other person. NOW THERE IS NOTHING MORE TO EXPLORE. As your relationship grows steadier and more comfortable, it starts feeling complacent and boring.
There is a chance your relationship might have no conflicts, but you still might find yourself feeling completely unsatisfied and uninspired.
So you need to honestly as yourself, do you want to make it work and put effort to make it work, OR is it time to move on and find a fresh start?
Also, not all points here are going to apply to everyone. Pick what you find relevant to you.
What mistakes we are doing in our Relationship that lead to boredom? and how to correct them?
1) You don't have deep conversations. You don't get vulnerable. You don't share your feelings.
You probably might like to talk to your partner, but most of your conversations are about the day at work, the things you like, people you met, weather, news, etc. But you never go deeper talking about what are your fears, desires, what your stories were, what inspires you. When we don't talk about the real us, we never open the space for our partner to find more and more reasons to love us and accept us for what we are. It is the habit of having shallow conversations and showing no signs of vulnerability that can easily create a sense of disconnect — and even boredom — because, after a certain point of time, all these surface-level conversations would look monotonous.
ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS AND MIX IT UP WITH FUN STUFF AND CURIOSITY TO KNOW EACH OTHER DEEPLY.
Give Undivided Attention.
If you are struggling with this often, and something is off, Talk to one of our coaches here.
2) You start taking the other person for granted. You no more make efforts.
Once you have entered a committed relationship, you don't prioritize things that you used to prioritize for the other person because you start feeling where are they going to go?
They are just going to stay there for you regardless you put in any effort or not.
Another common mistake is thinking your relationship will naturally continue in a positive direction without you doing anything for your partner.
The truth is that relationships require work. Even if you’re happy, just sitting back would cause you only to feel the boredom because your partner either feels the same way or feels tired of trying. So, regardless of what your partner does, in the long run, it will require work from you. So it’s absolutely important to invest energy into each other by talking more, supporting each other, and checking in. Do these things, and it’ll help your relationship stay fulfilling and happy.
3) You don't make your own life and personal goals interesting.
Before relationships can take off if you don't have a healthy outlook towards life yourself if you don't have your own goals and things you love to you. There are chances that you will depend on your relationship too much and how you know to make the relationship blossom is limited. So, you will end up getting bored after doing the same things over and over again.
If you have something you’re passionate about it’ll help keep life interesting, and that will in return keep your relationship interesting.
Also, If you don’t practice self-care, whatever that means to you, you are going to have difficulty with relationship-care, and as such will you experience disconnect and/or boredom.
4) You don't create space for each other to have separate lives too.
Yes. It is true that you are a couple and are committed to each other. But If you all the time invested into each other in a way that you have made your partner your whole life and then, it is going to cause you nothing but boredom followed by resentment.
YOU HAVE TO HAVE A LIFE TOO. WHEN YOU HAVE A FRESH OUTLOOK ON LIFE, YOU BRING THE SAME TO THE TABLE TO SHARE WITH YOUR PARTNER AND SO DO THEY.
Engage in things and activities individually too. Have a private space and allow that private space to your partner. So that, when you come back, you bring freshness to the relationship, again and again.
5) You don't do anything together OR You do everything together.
Let me be honest. Both ways do not work.
This point is also an extension of the above two points. If you are on either side of the extremes you are going to get bored in your relationship.
Balance it out. Have a Healthy Personal Space, Do certain things individually have your own set of friends too, Choose hobbies that you enjoy. Also, do find enough things to enjoy together. Each couple is different, you have to figure out on your own what do you want to do together, what individually.
When you spend the vast majority of the time with one person, it's easy to get tired of being with them. If you take some time apart you'll appreciate the time you do spend with your partner more. Also, it may be a sign you aren't doing enough together. And that's where things like shared hobbies come into play.
5 ) You don't try new things.
A lot of people are afraid of trying new things because they are too afraid of being wrong. They are terrorized by the idea of things going wrong and thus, end up sticking to the same old way of living. But the relationship involves two. Your partner may not like that way of living. And not just for them, but for yourself, it is important that you genuinely sometimes try certain new things in life. Purposefully stepping outside your comfort zone as a couple, and trying something new, is important. This bonds you more with your partner, regardless things go right or wrong, it makes you more intellectually curious and gives you more to talk about.
6) There are never any disagreements or arguments.
Reading this point, you would say, "Isn't it the good part?"
Well, this point may sound very counterintuitive. Never put your point of argument or simply agreeing to just everything can be a mistake. It is not possible to have different viewpoints on certain things. You and your partner are individuals, not clones. There will always be a point when you don't agree or they don't. Not arguing is often done as an attempt to keep the relationship “functional,” when in reality it keeps you from engaging deeply enough as a couple. Sure, it may seem like you’re playing it cool and letting things go. But in reality, you’re driving a wedge of resentment between you.
I am also not asking you to fight unnecessarily on purpose. However, in times, speak your heart if something is bothering you, share tough emotions, and learn how to have healthy disagreements whenever necessary.
7) You don't flirt or go on exciting dates anymore. Too busy in the routine?
Flirting with your partner may not seem like a very important point, but it is crucial. When your partner flirts with you, they make you feel special. When you do the same with them, they feel special too. If you’ve stopped being fun and flirty with each other, it may be worth it to bring these elements back into your lives.
The same goes for traveling, going on dates, or maybe short trips with your partner. Variety is a basic need for all of us. Add variety to your personal experiences and also your relationship. Try things that you have never tried before.
8) You expect to get things better immediately, boredom to go away without you doing anything, and get annoyed by the end of the honeymoon phase.
Before you try anything out, it is important to understand that it is NORMAL to feel bored. Did you never feel bored before you met your partner, as a child, or before you got into a committed relationship? Of course, you did right? So, The good part is, that whenever you get bored, you get an opportunity to see that not it's time for you to try any of those points above. The honeymoon phase, the first few years of the relationship feels exciting and new, simply can’t last forever. But if you expect it to, especially without making any effort, boredom will strike.
Remember, Relationships require some willingness and effort to stay fresh.
Thanks for Reading! I am Anamika, Life and Relationship Coach at Anamify.
At Anamify, Our goal is to take your relationships from good to great and Transform your Relationships to more Joyful, Authentic, and Conscious Expression of Life.
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