Boredom in Relationships. How to handle it?

Updated: Aug 10

What if before writing anything, I tell you, It is normal to feel boredom in long-term relationships.

Monotony peeks in in all relationships after a certain point of time, usually, after the honeymoon period of a few years seem to be getting over.

Two things we need to realize before we deal with it,

How valuable this relationship is to me?

How willing I am to work on it?

Healthy Relationships take efforts and willingness to constantly work on yourself and also what you bring to the table while you genuinely ask your partner what you need.

Where it goes wrong is when rather than working within the Relationship, we tend to fill ourselves outside of the relationship hastily, rather than first finding what we truly desire.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. They are filled with commonalities and also differences. The years of the honeymoon phase often go into knowing each other passionately, exploring each other's likes and dislikes. But that time goes away, you realize now you know the other person. NOW THERE IS NOTHING MORE TO EXPLORE. As your relationship grows steadier and more comfortable, it starts feeling complacent and boring.

There is a chance your relationship might have no conflicts, but you still might find yourself feeling completely unsatisfied and uninspired.

So you need to honestly as yourself, do you want to make it work and put effort to make it work, OR is it time to move on and find a fresh start?

Also, not all points here are going to apply to everyone. Pick what you find relevant to you.

What mistakes we are doing in our Relationship that lead to boredom? and how to correct them?

1) You don't have deep conversations. You don't get vulnerable. You don't share your feelings.

You probably might like to talk to your partner, but most of your conversations are about the day at work, the things you like, people you met, weather, news, etc. But you never go deeper talking about what are your fears, desires, what your stories were, what inspires you. When we don't talk about the real us, we never open the space for our partner to find more and more reasons to love us and accept us for what we are. It is the habit of having shallow conversations and showing no signs of vulnerability that can easily create a sense of disconnect — and even boredom — because, after a certain point of time, all these surface-level conversations would look monotonous.


Give Undivided Attention.

If you are struggling with this often, and something is off, Talk to one of our coaches here.

2) You start taking the other person for granted. You no more make efforts.

Once you have entered a committed relationship, you don't prioritize things that you used to prioritize for the other person because you start feeling where are they going to go?

They are just going to stay there for you regardless you put in any effort or not.

Another common mistake is thinking your relationship will naturally continue in a positive direction without you doing anything for your partner.

The truth is that relationships require work. Even if you’re happy, just sitting back would cause you only to feel the boredom because your partner either feels the same way or feels tired of trying. So, regardless of what your partner does, in the long run, it will require work from you. So it’s absolutely important to invest energy into each other by talking more, supporting each other, and checking in. Do these things, and it’ll help your relationship stay fulfilling and happy.

3) You don't make your own life and personal goals interesting.

Before relationships can take off if you don't have a healthy outlook towards life yourself if you don't have your own goals and things you love to you. There are chances that you will depend on your relationship too much and how you know to make the relationship blossom is limited. So, you will end up getting bored after doing the same things over and over again.

If you have something you’re passionate about it’ll help keep life interesting, and that will in return keep your relationship interesting.

Also, If you don’t practice self-care, whatever that means to you, you are going to have difficulty with relationship-care, and as such will you experience disconnect and/or boredom.

4) You don't create space for each other to have separate lives too.