Updated: Feb 4
A Healthy Relationship Feels Safe & Nurturing
There is no doubt that relationships can be complex and frustrating.
But having a strong committed partnership can actually help us THRIVE in all areas of our lives, such as:
Healthy Body and Longevity
Greater Sense of Purpose
Better Performance at Work
Good Emotional and Mental Health
Quicker Healing and Rebound from Life Situations
Higher Self-Worth and Better Self-Image
More Pleasure and Good Sexual Life
Intimacy means Connection How connected two people feel with each other. Intimacy is not only about the sexual component but also a deeper sense of belonging. A good romantic component between a couple is a side-effect of great intimacy between them. Therefore, when we focus on improving the connection between the couple, the rest falls in place.
In our 25+ years of practice in the field of Relationship Coaching, we have helped couples improve connection between them. Most of these ways are about becoming aware of our own Unhealthy Thought Patterns first and resolving them.
In Math, ½ + ½ = 1 BUT
In Love, ½ + ½ = ½
2 incomplete people don't complete each other; they create a co-dependent relationship. Hence, the idea is to become whole and full first so you can enjoy a wholesome relationship with another person.
Now, you may be thinking, "But what if my partner doesn't want to improve? If I work on myself, then will that be enought? Aren't they supposed to take efforts to become whole as well?"
Yes. They are required to work on themselves as well. A couple relationship must be improved from both sides in order to become harmonious.
So, when you work on yourself, then there are 2 possibilities...
1️⃣ Your partner also gets inspired by seeing changes in you and they start work on themselves also.
2️⃣ Your partner stays unmoved by seeing changes in you and they still don't do anything to improve.
So, in the first case, if they also work on themselves, then problem solved. Nothing to worry. You both grow together and enjoy the journey together.
In the second case, there is a good chance (and I mean very good chance) that you will get over this relationship. Most couples go separate ways when they stop growing together. It sounds harsh and I don't want to sugar-coat the bitter truth here. That's the reality and you must acknowledge and accept this outcome before you work on yourself to improve. Are you ready to handle this outcome?
Because, you pretty much have 2 choices here...
1️⃣ Don't improve. Stay the way you are. Accept that this is your fate.
2️⃣ Improve. Become more self-aware and confident person who value themselves. Who don't take any bullshit anymore. Who love and respect themselves. Who are not dependent on another person to complete them.
When you set healthy boundaries, then those people will get most upset who benefited from you having no or weak boundaries
So, if you are not ready to take control of your life, then please don't read further. You can stop here.
If you are ready to handle the worst case scenario that you may become an awesome human being who may refuse to fit/adjust in your current reality, then here are the 5 ways to improve:
1. Become aware of your triggers
From early childhood, we experience incidents that leave a mark on us. In coaching language, we call these incidents, defining moments. They get so engraved on our psyche that even 30, 40 years later, if I give my client a command to take me to the earliest memory, they will get there in a heartbeat.
2. Not everything is a trigger
People often ask me, "If a situation or person is making me angry or stressed, then does that mean I have an un-healed wound?" Answer is YES and NO. Let's explore...
3. Practice Acceptance
I believe that every entity (living, non-living or otherwise) in this universe (known and unknown), has one purpose... To Evolve Evolution means Transformation. Although the end result of transformation is beautiful and desired; the process of transformation is messy, chaotic, confusing, painful, exhausting, frustrating, slow, draining and ......... We all want the end result. But we don't want to pay the price it asks. And that's when we procrastinate, avoid, hide, run away, deny and justify not taking the transformation journey. We come up with all kinds of reasons, logic and excuses for not doing it. But guess what, we also know that if we don't learn the lesson to evolve, then this lesson will come back in different shape or form.
4. Become Strong by becoming more Vulnerable
In many of my past blogs (and conversations), I've clearly communicated that Feminine and Masculine energies are not the same as Female and Male. Both genders have both energies. The percentage composition varies from person to person. There are plenty of women who have high masculine energy and plenty of men who have high feminine energy. And then there are all sorts of people in between with different mix of these energies. Vulnerability is the quality of the feminine.
5. Becoming a Power Couple
A Power Couple is 2 people who are Fulfilled and Content in themselves that when they come together they don't create a toxic codependency but rather a harmonious interdependency for each other. This can sound hypothetical or ideal. And that's not a surprise given the way relationships are these days. But what if this is possible? What if there are couples like this? No matter how small in number, but they exist. And if they became a Power Couple, then so can you. Isn't this thought worth pursuing?
The path to healing is strange. It goes through unapproved places!